Six Top Sex Abuse Taboos We Must Smash

IF YOU JUST WANT TO FIND OUT WHAT OUR SIX TOP SEX TABOOS THAT SOCIETY MUST SMASH ARE THEN PLEASE SCROLL DOWN TO THE END OF THE ARTICLE. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY WE ARE WRITING ABOUT THIS SUBJECT TODAY THEN READ ON….

The news that charities and agencies working with victims of sexual abuse have been accused of covering up the role of British Pakistani Muslims in sexually exploiting young white British girls for fear of being branded racist, highlights the vital importance of tackling taboos around the issue of sex abuse by members of equalities groups including women, non-whites and gay men and women.

The story of the Asian Sex Gangs exploiting young white British girls is the subject of a media campaign in The Times Newspaper (no link here because Times online is subscription only) but you can read about the story online here in The Daily Mail, The Daily Telegraph, The Sun and The Daily Express

An article in the Guardian newspaper on Asian sex gangs from last year reflects the culture of silence by covering the subject with great timidity using the words ‘ethnicity’, ‘Asian’ and ‘white’ once only in the seventh paragraph while a feature by Julie Bindel in Standpoint Magazine reveals that Channel 4 made a documentary showing parents trying to stop groups of young Asian men grooming white girls as young as 11 for sex in 2004 but pulled the programmed after complaints from both the then Chief Constable of West Yorkshire Police and groups like Unite Against Fascism for fear it would fuel support for the BNP.

The Times Newspapers‘ excellent coverage of the issue is available online to subscribers only. It highlights that the issue is not unique to Britain – where the majority of perpetrators are men of British Pakistani origin – but  is also happening in The Netherlands with Muslim men from Morocco and sometimes Turkey targeting white teenage girls.

The paper carries a remarkable opinion piece by David Aaronovitch who explains how the abusers come from cultures that idealise women, demand virginity before marriage and repress both women and men.

He says: “I am clear that the men in these cases are guilty of appalling abuse and that the girls are guilty of nothing. Even so, their situation tells us something too. Surely we must ask why these kids could be flirted with, driven around, given drugs and drink, be taken to other cities and serially abused, and all the while believe they were somehow being loved.”

The Men’s Network agrees that these men are guilty of appalling abuse and that the girls are guilty of nothing. We also share David Aaronovitch’s desire to explore two key questions in this case: “why these men and why these girls”?

We don’t pretend to have all the answers but feel there is merit in considering the lack of appropriate male role models in both the perpetrators’ and the victims’ lives.

All evidence suggests that girls with involved fathers and positive male role models in their lives are far less likely to enter into underage sex in any circumstances – whether by consent or by coercion.

In simple terms, having supportive older men in a girls’ life – particularly her father – will generally protect her against risky sexual behaviour and makes it more likely that she will grow up to have healthy, happy sexual relationships.

And here there is a parallel with the profile of the British Pakistani offenders.

These men come from rural cultures which sexually oppress both men and women by demanding virginity before forced marriage.  In 2003 the former Labour MP, Ann Cryer caused controversy by suggesting that forced marriages in her constituency were one of the reasons that some Asian men were targeting young white girls for sex.

Click here to read how Ann Cryer continues to speak out on behalf of male victims of forced marriage.

It is not uncommon for the men from these communities to try and break free from the inevitable oppression of forced marriage by following their hearts, only to end up being murdered in so-called honour killings for falling in love with the “wrong woman”.

Like the girls they are abusing, these men are growing up without male mentors and role models to show them how to have healthy, happy sexual relationships.

There is no excuse for the sexual exploitation of underage girls and if we are to ever stop this happening we need to put men back into families, communities and society in a way that shows future generations of men and women how to enjoy happy, healthy and supportive relationships with the partner of your choice.

AND WHAT THIS SHOCKING STORY OF ASIAN SEX GANGS EXPLOITING WHITE TEEN GIRLS TELLS US IS THE IMPORTANCE OF TACKLING TABOOS INVOLVING SEXUAL ABUSE BY INDIVIDUALS FROM EQUALITIES GROUPS.

LET US BE CLEAR – THIS PARTICULAR ISSUE WAS NOT ADDRESSED SOONER BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE SCARED OF EITHER BEING CALLED RACIST – OR OF PROVOKING RACIST OUTBURSTS – AND WHILE CHARITIES AND SOCIAL WORKERS AND THE POLICE REMAINED SILENT – MORE YOUNG GIRLS WERE ABUSED

AND WHILE WE ARE ABOLUTELY CLEAR THAT STRAIGHT MEN DO SEXUALLY ABUSE WOMEN AND GIRLS IT’S ALSO IMPORTANT TO SAY THIS…

…ALL MEN ARE NOT RAPISTS …..

…….AND NOT ALL RAPISTS ARE STRAIGHT MEN…..

HERE TO HELP US KEEP SMASHING THROUGH SOCIETY’S TABOOS ARE OUR SIX TOP SEX TABOOS SOCIETY MUST SMASH

TABOO 1: Gay Men and Gay Women Abuse

Of course not all gay men are rapists either – and not all men who rape men are gay – but gay men do abuse both men and children and it’s still a taboo. And the taboo can cause abuse to go on unchallenged, most notably in the tragic case of 4 children abused by gay foster parents Craig Faunch and Ian Wathey in Warrington where social workers failed to stop the abuse because they feared being seen as homophobic.

Then there is the double taboo of gay women who abuse. As a report from the University of  California on Homosexuality and Child Molestation says: “sexual abuse by women occurs but has not been well documented, perhaps it is not surprising, therefore, that the child molester stereotype is applied more often to gay men than to lesbians”.

TABOO 2: Non-Whites and Non-Christians Abuse

Whilst we should work hard to ensure we tackle prejudices against non-white men and women, the many cases of Asian Sex Gangs exploiting young white girls should teach us that we must never allow racial or cultural sensitivities to stop us from addressing wrong-doing for fear of being branded a racist. And let us not forget that non-white women sexually abuse too because…..

TABOO 3: Women Sexually Abuse Men and Children

Possibly the biggest taboo of all and an issue that many people want to suppress discussion of. The taboo prevents people from disclosing that they were abused for fear of going against established opinion according to Dr Michele Elliot, Founder and Director of the charity Kidscape.

Dr Elliot reveals in her book – Female Sexual Abuse Of Children – how the television programme This Morning opened up a hotline for callers to talk about abuse by women. In the course of one day, they had over 1000 telephone calls. Ninety per cent of the callers had never told anyone about their abuse.

Anyone who is challenged by this important taboo should read Dr Eliot’s 7 page report on women who sexually abuse children here and this article tackling the notion that it’s ok for women to have sex with underage boys in the wake of a case of a mother and daughter abusing a teenage family member in the US.

TABOO 4: Fatherless Girls Take More Sexual Risks

While not all girls without fathers take risks in their sex lives, in general, UK research on girls from fatherless families reveals they are more likely to suffer sexual abuse, to run away from home, to drink, smoke, take drugs, engage in early and unprotected sexual intercourse, contract sexually transmitted infections and become teenage parents.

International research on fatherlessness shows that a teenage girl from an advantaged background is five times more likely to become a teen mother if she grows up in a single-mother household than if she grows up in a household with both biological parents AND as far as boys are concerned that the majority of rapists come from fatherless homes.

TABOO 5: Women Cry Rape (and men do too)

This is another difficult taboo that people want to suppress in case it discourages genuine rape victims from coming forward –  but whether we like it or not, women (and men) cry rape – a fact that can have a shocking impact on the men who are falsely accused of rape. Here are some recent examples of a teen girl jailed for a false rape claim, a man jailed for crying rape, a BBC personality who allegedly made 40 false rape allegations  and a Swedish woman who makes a living from making false rape allegations.

TABOO 6: Men and boys are victims of sexual abuse

It is estimated that between 1 in 6 and 1 in 7 men in the UK experience rape and sexual abuse and figures from the Ministry of Justice reveal that women victims are twice as likely to report as male victims.

For male victims of female abusers, according to Dr Michele Elliot’s report on female sex abusers 86% of victims who tried to tell anyone were not believed the first time they told someone and shockingly sixty-five per cent of the survivors who tried to tell a professional like a  therapist, doctor or teacher were not believed the first time they tried to disclose the fact that they have been abused.

What this final point reveals is that taboos not only let the abuser get away with his or her crime – they also prevent victims – and in particular male victims – from coming forward to press charges or get the help and support they need.

THAT’S WHY WE NEED TO SMASH THESE SIX SEX TABOOS SO THAT WE HAVE THE BEST POSSIBLE CHANCE OF STOPPING ABUSERS, HOLDING THEM TO ACCOUNT FOR THEIR CRIMES AND DOING ALL WE CAN TO MAKE SURE THAT ALL SEX ABUSE VICTIMS – MEN AND BOYS INCLUDED –  GET THE HELP AND SUPPORT THEY NEED  – NO MATTER WHO THEY ARE AND NO MATTER WHO THEIR ABUSER IS.

If you are a man living in Sussex, England who has been the victim of rape or childhood sexual abuse and want help dealing with this we strongly recommend you contact Mankind UK who can offer you help and support.

About glenpoole

Glen Poole is UK co-ordinator for International Men's Day, Director at the consultancy Helping Men and news editor of insideMAN magazine. Follow him on twitter @HelpingMen or find out more about his work at www.helpingmen.co.uk.

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